Hermione's Mistake
by thesiriuswriter
Summary: You know when your head is telling you one thing but your stupid heart is saying another? I'm pretty sure you have been in that predicament before, I mean most women have, ones that have fallen for the wrong man anyway. Well that's me, stupid Hermione Granger-Weasley, the one who fell for the wrong man and almost destroyed her best friend.
1. Chapter 1

Hermione's Mistake

_Hi everyone, _

_Here's my new one, it's just a short one but it was in my mind so I had to get it out on paper._

_Hope you enjoy it, it is from Hermione's point of view and it's all finished._

_Disclaimer: All J K Rowlings property except that Harry and Hermione should've been together :-) _

_just enjoy playing in her world._

_Sirius xoxo_

Chapter 1

You know when your head is telling you one thing but your stupid heart is saying another? I'm pretty sure you have been in that predicament before, I mean most women have, ones that have fallen for the wrong man anyway.

Well that's me, stupid Hermione Granger-Weasley, the one who fell for the wrong man. The one person who listened to her heart and not her head which mind you, had never let her down before. My story is written in any history book you pick up, the youngest witch of all times to be instrumental in the downfall of the Dark Lord known as Voldemort, the brightest witch of all time they say. But the one thing you won't read about, the one thing that haunts me to this very day is the biggest mistake I ever made... the day I killed my best friend.

To completely understand the intensity of what I have done, I need to take you back to a time about 4 years ago, when we were in the middle of the war that would eventually end all wars. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were my partners in crime but most importantly my best friends. From the age of 11, we did everything together, we studied, we searched for horcruxes, we almost died on many occasions but the most important thing was that we were together.

That all changed during the war.

Ron just lost it, I think he panicked and needed to be with his family so he left Harry and me to keep searching for the final horcruxes. At first it was business as usual and with only the two of us taking turns with the necklace, the tension rose ten fold and by the end of the week, we started taking it out on each other. One particularly bad episode Harry was yelling at me for missing a vital clue and as a result I was almost killed by Nagini.

I was tired and sick and over everything so I snapped.

"Harry why don't you just go to hell, I've had enough of you and your stupid war. I am sick of not being needed by you until you decide I can help, just leave me the hell alone."

I stomped out of the tent leaving Harry swearing behind me and even though the night was pitch black, I just walked and walked as far away from him as possible. I hit the forcefield I had put up and even in my anger I knew I couldn't go past it so I settled down in a hollow tree trunk and let the pain of the argument take over me. I cried for about half an hour I think, yelled quite a few times and grunted in annoyance before I actually dozed off.

The freezing cold air woke me about 2am and I stumbled out of my tree stump bed disorientated and tried to make it back to the tent site. I couldn't see and worse still, I couldn't remember which way I had come. After walking around for what felt like ages, I realised I was completely lost. I am pretty sure it was a couple of hours before Harry had found me, completely frozen and scared half to death. At first he yelled at me for leaving and then he just stopped. I don't know why, maybe he saw how defeated I looked and he felt sorry for me but whatever the reason was, I was glad he stopped yelling.

He put his arm around my waist and manoeuvred me through the trees and back to the tent and even though he gave me a thick blanket, I just couldn't get warm. I kept shivering and shaking and my teeth wouldn't stop chattering. I had no idea what Harry was thinking but he sat on the chair as far away from me as possible and just stared into the distance.

"Sorry," I mumbled hoping to break the deafening silence.

"You could've been caught!" Harry said with absolutely no emotion what so ever.

"Yeah could've been... probably should've been!" I said defeated as I sat down on a small step.

I looked at him and wished not for the first time, that this stupid war would be over. It was extremely hard being in such close vicinity to Harry and have him hate me as much as he did. It must have been even harder for him, being stuck with me knowing he had Ginny Weasley at home waiting for him. I secretly wished he would care for me even half as much as I cared for him. Mentally I laughed at myself, I mean who was I kidding, I cared for Harry far more than any friend should and maybe deep down I loved him but he felt nothing. He was madly in love with Ginny and in all honesty, who wouldn't be, the girl was stunning.

Speaking of the Weasley's, Ron had made his affections towards me known on quite a few occasions and as much as I loathed the idea of being with someone I didn't love, it was better than being alone.

"I'm going to bed." Harry broke my train of thought and I nodded not making eye contact with him. I remembered I had his blanket so I peeled it off and passed it to him, feeling the cold instantly. He looked at me, taking the blanket and then put his hand out to me. I looked him in the eye completely confused and I saw something there I hadn't seen before, a tenderness maybe, a moment of weakness I wasn't sure but something made me put my hand in his and he pulled me to my feet. He placed the blanket back around my shoulders and then lead me to my small bed. I let him guide me soaking up this rare moment of tenderness and then I let him lay me down and tuck me in.

I wanted to say thank you, I wanted to let him know I appreciated it but the words were stuck in my throat because he started to take off his belt and jeans and then he slid in next to me. My body frozen at first, took only a few seconds to gravitate towards his warmth completely against my wishes and he wrapped his arms around me. I kept my arms tucked into my own body probably afraid that I would scare him off but he rubbed my back gently.

"Sleep Mione."

I felt my body warm instantly against his and even though I wanted to stay awake and soak up this moment of weakness on Harry's behalf, I couldn't fight the overwhelming need to sleep and I dozed off instantly. I awoke around lunch time and felt for Harry but my bed was empty just like my heart. I laid there and decided what would be the best way to deal with this once I saw him.

I didn't need to worry because when I went to find him he was gone. I mean completely gone, he had collected his things and apparated to God knows where and I was left alone. I was so angry at first that I wasn't thinking straight. I threw things around and had a little tantrum.

Thinking back now, it felt good. I finally calmed down and started to think straight. I decided that in all honesty Harry was smart but not overly intelligent so surely I could figure out where he went. I looked over the notes I took and after a while I had a few ideas as to where Harry would've gone. It actually took me longer to pack up the tent and stuff than it did to work out where he was. It was almost evening by the time I found a new spot to camp on the outskirts of the little town near Godric's Hollow. I concealed our spot and set off to where I thought he would be. The rain was falling down quite heavily and I struggled to stay hidden and still look out for him. After an hour I was beginning to give up when I heard something that sounded like an explosion of which I had heard all to often in this war. It was a spell that had missed its target and hit a brick wall.

I ran.

I headed in the direction of the sound which was getting louder the closer I got. I rounded a corner and screeched to a halt. Harry was further down the street batting with Belatrix and two others I couldn't identify from my position. I had to get my head clear, first thing was I needed to scan the area and get a vantage point. While I looked around two more people apparated in and it was getting desperate. Against my better judgement I decided on not having a plan, I just ran wielding my wand and hoped for the best. I took out two people who I managed to take by surprise and then it all started.

We didn't really win that night but we got out with our lives so I suppose that was a win. Harry was well and truly pissed with me because I apparated him out when three more people apparated in, we were already severely outnumbered and I wasn't prepared to risk it.

"What the hell were you doing, I nearly had Belatrix?" Harry screamed when I apparated us back to the tent. I tried to interject, I tried to explain but nothing worked. I wasn't proud of what I did next but I sort of reacted out of anger.

I cursed Harry so he couldn't talk. His anger was evident on his face and even though the spell only lasted a few minutes, he was furious with me.

I went to bed that night thinking about the things he said to me and I don't know whether it was him or me and I'm not proud to say it, but I had had enough. I finally decided I just couldn't stay in this tent with him so I left. I justified my thoughts by thinking that I needed to make things right, fix the wrong I had done tonight.

I apparated back into town where we were earlier that night and I walked back down the road to a house that I had recognised from the many books I read. It was Harry's family home. I was absolutely sure something had to be there, some clue, anything. I slowly walked in and after running a couple of complicated scans to make sure I was alone I started looking. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for but I just looked.

I looked around and wandered through the walls of the house Harry lived in for the first twelve months of his life. I imagined his mum and dad sitting with him in the lounge room playing games with their precious baby. I walked upstairs and saw the marks on the walls, obvious reminders of that fateful night. I looked around the other rooms for quite a while and then ventured into Harry's room.

Even though the age and weather had taken their tolls on the room, I could imagine how it was once. The feelings of loss and pain engulfed me and I shook my head trying to clear away the story I had made in my mind. Exhaustion overcame me so I sat down on the floor and rested for a while. As I laid my head down on the mouldy, dirty carpet, a glint of light caught my eye and I reached under the small, broken baby's bed and pulled out a necklace. It was a locket and I hesitantly waved my wand over it to make sure it wasn't a horcrux or a portkey or some such magical device. It seemed clear so I opened it and gasped. Inside was a baby photo of Harry on one side and Lily and James on the other side, I turned it over and there was an engraving on the back.

"_To my precious Lily, I'll love you and Harry always, James xo" _

I held it in my hand for quite a while contemplating whether to take it back to Harry or hold onto it. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew I was being shaken roughly by someone.

"What the hell are you doing Hermione?" Harry was frantically looking around obviously worried we would get caught. I staggered to my feet still a bit groggy from being woken so abruptly.

Harry grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me,

"What if something happened to you Hermione, did you even think about that? Did you think what would happen to me if you died?"

The next thing that happened still baffles me to this day but all I knew was Harry's lips crashed onto mine and he kissed me hard. I took a few seconds to react but when I did, I enthusiastically returned the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his body and I held on to him desperately. I kissed him like my life depended on it and in all honesty it probably was the last time I would ever be kissed by him. He pulled back and leant his forehead on mine. I was quite surprised he didn't pull back completely disgusted with his actions. He slowly raised his hand to my face and gently stroked my cheek and my eyes fluttered closed at his touch. The next thing I knew we were apparating somewhere and we landed with a thud. I tried to get my balance but Harry still held me tight and then he kissed me again.

I loved the sounds he was making as he kissed my neck and sucked on my jawline. He started to lift my shirt up and his fingers left hot trails on my skin and I shuddered under his touch. When it seemed like we couldn't stop even if we wanted to, he did. He looked at me, his breath panting, his eyes the deepest emerald green I had ever seen and his cheeks flushed deep red.

"Hermione, I can stop now if you don't want to go on?" His eyes pleaded with me to answer him and I did. I slowly lifted his shirt up and took it off over his head and ran my hands down his chest. I took his hands in mine and led him over to the small bed that we had in our tent and I sat down waiting for him to make the next move. He slowly knelt down on his knees so we were face to face and he whispered, "are you sure?" so I nodded and he leant forward and kissed me again. This time it wasn't rushed or hurried, it was gentle and full of meaning. He slowly crept over the top of me and laid me down. We fumbled over each other's body, being both of our first times, but it was special all the same.

Thinking back now, its amazing that we didn't have any of the awkward moments after the event. We seemed to fit into each other like gloves onto hands. By the time the war was over we were sleeping in one bed and knew each other inside out. I wondered on more than one occasion how we were going to break it to the Weasley's but in all my giddy happiness, I honestly didn't care. All I wanted was Harry and from what I could see, he wanted me too and the rest would work itself out.


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione's Mistake Chapter 2

_Next installment..._

Chapter 2

The first few months after the war ended was hectic to say the least. The interviews and parties seemed endless and we couldn't walk down the street without cameras flashing and people shaking our hands. After all the commotion died down and it came to the point where we needed to make some serious decisions about the rest of lives, that's when it all went to hell for me.

I bought myself a unit near St Mungo's as I decided to start my training to be healer. Things were a bit funny with Harry but I think I avoided calling him on it because I was afraid of the answer I knew I would get. Ron didn't notice my distance towards him and continued thinking we were playing happy families. I didn't say anything to him and now I realise that was probably for the best. My preoccupation with everything was diagnosed by Mrs Weasley as "needing some time to forget about the atrocities she saw during the war" and I nodded in agreement.

It all came to ahead one night when we were going to the Weasley's for dinner. I was setting up my library when I heard a knock on my front door. I presumed it was Ron as Harry hadn't been over or really spoken to me as yet so I called out "Come in".

I waited for his bumbling, endless conversation about being accepted to play for the Chudley Cannons but I was met with silence. I turned around and was surprised to see Harry standing in the doorway. I automatically ran into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"I've missed you so much Harry," I whispered into his chest.

After a minute I realised my hug wasn't being reciprocated so I lowered my head and stepped back.

"What's wrong Harry?" I hoped beyond all hope he would ask me how to break up with Ginny, how to let her down gently, but no such luck.

"This is all wrong Hermione, all of it." I stared into his eyes and the pain and conflict was so evident that I was surprised I hadn't seen it before.

I followed him out to the lounge room and remained standing while he sat in the lounge chair opposite the fireplace. He ran his hands through his hair and then grunted.

"Hermione I'm sorry. I've tried to forget about you, forget what happened between us but I'm struggling. I'm worried that you expect more from me than I am willing to give. I have to look forward to my life with Ginny now."

Harry will never know the searing pain that those words had caused me. I was a means to an end, a way to pass the time while fighting a war. That realisation killed me. I knew what I had to do, I had to let him go. I know I couldn't stay with someone who didn't want me even if I loved him more than my own life. I needed to put on the show of my life, I had too.

"I don't really know what the problem is Harry, I have Ron and you have Ginny. I don't expect or want anything from you!" I hoped I sounded convincing.

To say Harry was shocked was an understatement. At first I thought he would argue back with me and I wanted him too, I wanted him to fight for me with all he was worth but after what looked like some internal struggling he stood up and nodded then he walked to the front door. I wrapped my arms around my waist very tightly, hopefully to hold together my world as it was falling apart right in front of my eyes. Harry reached the doorway and with his hand on the door handle he stopped and turned around.

I won't ever forget Hermione even if you have!" He walked out and I crumbled to the ground in a broken heap. I cried in pain and it was real pain. My heart felt like it would break and then jump out of my chest. It was days before I could actually put food in my mouth and it stay down. I told Ron I had a virus and since he didn't want to catch anything before his big game, he moved back into his mum's which was great for me. I needed time to deal with this pain and loneliness and having Ron around was making it too hard. I gave myself a week of suffering with my so called virus before Ron came back. He was ecstatic about receiving news that he was made a Keeper for the Chudley Cannons, one of the most wanted jobs Ron could have wished for and it was his.

I smiled, nodded, oohhhed and ahhhed in all the right places as Ron told me minute by minute replays of the conversation he had had with the managers of the team. The next bit of news that fell out of Ron's mouth at the end shocked me...

"I leave for a tour in a week and before I go Hermione I want to be engaged!"

Thinking back it was all pretty stupid but as they say hindsight is 20/20. I was still in pain from Harry's rejection and I wasn't really thinking so I told him yeah why not. "_Yeah why not_" to his ridiculous proposal and once those pathetic word fell out of my mouth I regretted it instantly but I knew I wouldn't do anything about it either.

I convinced Ron not to run over to his mothers that instant, I told him I wanted to be there and to be one hundred percent better before we broke the news. In all honesty I was sort of trying to think of ways around it but I was defeated. That was really the only way of describing my frame of mind, defeated.

A week later we went over for a farewell dinner for Ron and then he told them the news and the circus show erupted. Ron told them we were getting married and at the news, Molly started crying and hugging, Arthur started cheering and hugging, Percy was smiling and congratulating us and then I turned to look at Ginny and honestly, her face glowed with delight. She jumped out of her chair and hugged me and kissed me saying she couldn't wait till we were sisters. I was really amazed that no one realised I wasn't smiling or even remotely happy but they didn't care, there was going to be a Weasley wedding.

I'm not proud of my actions but I blindly went along with Molly and all the fuss of organising the wedding. She talked non stop at dinner and by the time we left, the date was picked, the theme was decided, the venue, obviously the Burrow, was selected and even to my disgust the bridal party was chosen, Ginny was the maid of honour and Harry was the best man. How ironic was that!

I tried not to make eye contact with Harry that night but when Ron asked him to be the best man, my resolve slipped and my eyes met his emerald green orbs. We looked at each other for what felt like eternity and I saw him nod to Ron and with that I knew it was over, really over.

We left about midnight and Ron finished packing the last few bits and pieces and then slept solidly until the morning when he apparated away to his tour. I felt the claustrophobia lift from my body instantly and actually had a relatively good day studying.

A few weeks later I was sitting at home watching some late romance movie when someone knocked on the door. I pulled my dressing gown robe tighter across my body and went to see who could possibly visit me at eleven o'clock at night, I knew Ron wasn't due back for another month. I slowly opened the door and was surprised to see Harry standing there. I could smell the Fire whiskey on him before he even spoke to me.

"What do you want Harry?" I folded my arms across my body in defence for the pain I was sure to feel when he spoke to me.

"Can I come in?" I looked at him for a few minutes then I nodded, moving slightly over to the left so he could walk past me and then I closed the door, locking it.

I turned around and he was standing right in front of me, I could see his beautiful green eyes that seemed to be filled with pain. He lifted his hand and took a curl of my hair and let it fall between his fingers. He did it again and this time he slowly smelt it and let it press against his face.

"Do you love him?"

I was taken back by that question and in all honesty I wasn't going to lie so I said nothing. Harry knew me too well and realised my silence was an affirmative answer and the next thing I knew his lips crashed down on mine. He kissed me hard and I returned the kiss just as passionately. His hands were leaving hot trails down my back as he rubbed my body. It didn't take long for the tension to rise and I could feel Harry's obvious attraction. I would like to say the sex was gentle and loving and there were declarations of love but I can't, it was hot, sexy, fast and frantic. Harry stayed that night and as he slept I watched him. He seemed peaceful at first but after a while he started to mumble in his sleep. The words were becoming more and more coherent and at one point he called out for Ginny. I admit I was upset but the next part of the conversation in Harry's dreams made it all the more worse.

"... must forget ….. Ginny.. must forget..." I got out of bed and went to pour myself a drink, several actually, and way to much for my petite size. It was then that a decision was reached, a decision that would change his and my life forever. In my sleep deprived, alcoholic induced haze, I did something stupid. I went to my library and I looked up an ancient spell, a spell that would erase particular parts of people's memories but left other memories untouched. The spell was banned because of its relative ease in casting it and also the complications of modifying people's memories that the spell caused. I didn't think twice, I cast it and erased every part of our night together as well as the nights during the war. It was tricky trying to remember details but I got it all. I put all the blue memories into a small vial, they weren't silver because I erased them from his mind rather than copied them. I held the small glass vial in my hands and twisted the gold lattice lid around to make sure it was tight enough and then I had to decided what to do with the vial.

One thing was for sure, Harry Potter would never know of the nights we shared, ever.


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione's Mistake Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I struggled with guilt for the next few weeks, so many times I came close to reversing the spell and leaving Harry to make his own decisions with ALL the information not bits and pieces. The vial was charmed to look like an intricate piece of jewellery and I hung it around my neck. This would be my punishment, a constant reminder of what I had done. To deal with it, I decided to bury myself in my training at St Mungo's and let my studies consume me. I met new people and made a good friend which was something new for me. Jennifer or Jenny as she preferred, was really lovely and the two of us started training together and as a result we had all our classes together too. We spent days and days studying and having the same work ethic we hit it off straight away. Jenny lived with her family about half an hour away but since she was the oldest of eight siblings, she loved coming over to get some peace and quiet. She kept me company on most nights while Ron was away and we enjoyed watching movies, going over papers and having dinners together.

"Hermione, where is the chinese sauce we bought the other day?" Jenny called out from the kitchen while she rummaged through the food pantry looking for the additive to add to her meat strips cooking on the stove.

"In the bottom cupboard Jenn, under the plates," I yelled out as I was quickly changing out of my work clothes into some comfortable sweat pants. I wandered down the hall way to meet up with my friend and was surprised to see Ron standing in the doorway of the kitchen staring at Jenny. He hadn't seen me yet so I took the opportunity to look at him and watch. It obviously didn't matter how long apart we were, the feelings just didn't grow stronger, I did not look at him as a husband.

I huffed out a breath obviously resigned to the fact that my life will always be unhappy in the relationship department.

I approached the kitchen still unbeknown to Ron and watched my friend Jenny in the kitchen singing away to some song that was on the wizarding wireless and dancing about in time. She was such a beautiful person, and mind you she was pretty too. Jenn had long blonde hair right down to her waist and it was straight but bouncy. She also had pale skin but beautiful blue eyes which obviously Ron wouldn't have seen yet.

Jenn continued dancing and then turned around to serve the meal onto the plates and for some reason I had an idea of what was going to happen. I raised my wand and levitated the plates just as she screamed at seeing a man standing behind her which caused her to drop the plates. Ron jumped at the sudden scream and I held back a laugh.

"Who are you?... I mean... why are you here?" Jenn stammered out.

"I could ask you the same thing miss, why is such a lovely creature in my kitchen cooking food?" _Oh My God my own damn fiance is cracking onto my friend, un-friggin-believable_. I rolled my eyes and then cleared my throat before Jenn had a chance to come back at Ron.

"Hello Ron, this is my friend Jennifer Cartwright, better known as Jenny and Jenny this is my fiancé Ron Weasley." Jenny was so embarrassed she apologised over and over again and went bright red.

"Jenn it's ok I wasn't expecting Ron home till next week so I didn't mention it," Ron sort of turned around and realised he hadn't acknowledged me yet so he leant forward and gave me a clumsy, messy, wet kiss that was completely unnecessary.

"Oh Hermione I'm so sorry you must want to catch up with Ron, I'll leave you two alone..."

"No!" and Jenny was surprised we both said it at the same time and truth be told I was pretty surprised he had said it too. I expected that since he had been away so long all he would've wanted was to go the bedroom.

"Jenn I'm sure Ron would love to share his stories with both of us wouldn't you Ron?" Ron smiled brightly eager to have an audience and a pretty one at that.

I was quite happy in my own way that Ron and Jenny got on so well. Nothing changed between Jenny and me and for that I was pleased. Ron usually made it quite a habit to scare my friends away so that I became isolated.

The following day I was coming in the door and Ron told me we had to go to his mums for dinner. Dammit to hell, I totally forgot about visiting the Weasley's, I would've told him to go during the day but as he got me while I was coming through the door I had no escape. The only deepest wish I could wish for was that Harry wouldn't be there tonight. Fingers crossed as I instantly grabbed the pendant around my neck.

NO such luck.

Ron and I apparated in and at once there was a cacophony of hello's and Ron loved it. If there was one thing this man liked it was being the centre of attention. I slowly edged away after getting a few bone crushing hugs from future brothers in law and discretely scanned the room for the one red head I knew would have a black haired wizard attached at the arm.

She wasn't there thank Merlin, but he was... damn it.

I looked over at the kitchen entrance and he was leaning against the door in a lazy, sexy sort of way. It was doing all sorts of things to my nether regions. I had to remember he had no memory of our nights, no memory of our love making, nothing sensual about me at all. Again I unconsciously grabbed at my pendant.

So how do I react? Do I go back to being the witch from school who always gave him the hug or do I not tempt fate? I really didn't know how much of this spell was still working if at all.

OH Man, what if it wasn't working, what if he knew... I started to panic and I felt hot and faint. I saw him walk up to me and he looked me in the eye. Could he see my internal turmoil?

"Hey stranger don't you say hi?" he asked ever so casually.

"Hi Harry how have you been?" I hoped above all else that I sounded calm. He leant forward and hugged me and I hesitantly returned the hug. He pulled back and he had a strange look on his face, I started to worry again.

"What's wrong Harry?" I asked really not wanting an answer.

"I don't know, something about the smell of your hair is …. familiar..." I unconsciously stepped back away from him but he moved forward closing the gap slowly lifting his hand to take a curl in his fingers.

"Maybe Ginny uses the same one?" I laughed uncomfortably. Harry seemed unconvinced but was interrupted by a hug from Ron.

Dinner was uncomfortable, especially when Mrs Weasley started on me about being too busy to visit which earned a death glare from Ron and when she was pleased with that response, she moved onto the wedding... yet again. I sat there listening to the Weasley's plan not only my wedding but the rest of my life and I felt sick. I excused myself and went outside to get some fresh air, hoping I sneaked out unnoticed.

_OK Hermione get a bloody grip. _ I chastised myself jumping when I felt an arm on my back. I spun around to come face to face with Harry.

"What's happening Harry?" I tried to manoeuvre past him but he had me cornered and I couldn't move away.

"I'm feeling a bit strange at the moment Hermione, I'm wondering whether you can help me out?"

"Of course Harry tell me what's wrong?" Harry shifted his feet which meant I was standing between them. He slowly lifted his hand and stroked my cheek and I started to freak out, he had to remember.

"Ummm Harry what are you doing?"

"I don't know Hermione, I keep having these dreams, these painfully real dreams but I seem distanced from it. All I know at this minute is that I want to kiss you and I can't tell you why?" Harry whispered the last bit and even as every fibre in my body wanted him, my head was screaming no. The battle was just too much, I just wanted to feel again so I leant into him and the split second before our lips touched, cheers erupted within the house.

Ginny had arrived.

Harry looked over to the window to see his girlfriend smiling at her family and scanning the room to look for him. I took my chance to sneak past him and move towards the front of the house. I apparated to the front door steps and silently let myself in coming in the house behind Ginny leaving Harry at the back of the house. I touched her shoulder and she turned and smiled, hugging me.

"Mum, where's Harry?"

I had quietly slipped into my seat, Ron completely oblivious to my absence and then return as his conversation with his dad far more important than my company. Molly scanned the room but stopped when she saw him approach from the back door. Ginny made a very showy greeting and I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes. I started thinking about what had happened outside, maybe Harry needed a top up of the spell and then guilt filled my body yet again, the necklace weighing me down. I couldn't keep doing this to him, maybe I should just fix it up and return the blue long thin memories some way.

I glanced across the table and watched how happy he seemed to be when she entered the room. They did make a beautiful couple and it brought it home to me that I didn't make a mistake. Well yes one mistake- starting this whole mess to begin with- but taking his memories, no, no mistake at all. I had to formulate a new plan.

A few days later, I messaged Harry and asked to meet him for a coffee which he eagerly accepted. I waited for him at the café that he normally ate lunch at and as he sat down I made small talk. He smiled a lot and touched my hand a few times and then when I was sure he was interested in some commotion outside, I stunned him and quickly performed the modification spell extracting a few more blue memories with my wand. I waited a few seconds and then stood up with my bag and cleared away any trace that I was sitting with him and walked over to the counter as if to order. I whispered the incantation to lift the stunning spell while I stood at the counter like nothing had happened.

"Hermione, hey Hermione over here, how are you?" I smiled and walked over with a fresh cup of tea and sat to have a drink with the love of my life who will never, ever know my feelings.

Or so I thought!


	4. Chapter 4

Hermione's Mistake Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_(6 Months later)_

"Do you Hermione Granger take Ronald Weasley to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Yes."

"Do you Ronald Weasley take Hermione Granger to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I sure do."

"By the power vested in me I now pronounce you man and wife."

The celebrant shook hands with both of us and then announced that Ron could kiss his wife. He eagerly dipped me down low and kissed me awkwardly on my lips and then pulled me up quickly so that I almost lost my balance.

There were cheers, well Jenny cheered as she was the only witness. Harry was meant to come and as sad as Ron was that he had been on a mission, I was secretly happy as well as sneaky. Since it was me who conveniently forgot to give Harry the date of our impending nuptials and with Ron's timetable so full, he didn't have time to check.

The Weasley's were not happy with the surprise wedding, Molly Weasley felt robbed of planning the perfect wedding and Ginny didn't really believe we were even married but as magical weddings were so intense, there was no lying about that. Harry just apologised over and over again blaming his new secretary for losing the invite. Ginny glared at me constantly and I wondered why, shouldn't she be happy I was finally 'taken'.

I know it seems strange but we didn't really see the Weasley's much at all after that. I knew Harry and Ginny had gotten their own place in London and went every Tuesday night for dinner so I planned to always have overtime on Tuesdays so we went on the odd Monday but only when Ron was home. It suited me as I could finally live in my own little world. I thought about the spell from time to time but as I hardly saw Harry I never needed to do a top up. It even got to the stage where I would take off my pendant for short periods of time. It slowly crept into the recesses of my mind and I was happy to leave it there.

It was not a happy marriage by any stretch of the imagination. I turned a blind eye to Ron's romps when on tour and he happily let me live peacefully. Ron settled after a year and then started on wanting a family. After two years of trying to fall pregnant, the stress finally had its toll and Ron and I separated. I had no love for him and honestly I don't believe he did either. I couldn't tell him that I always made sure I used the strongest contraceptive spell I knew so as to not fall pregnant.

I just couldn't do that to a child. I couldn't bring them into a world where I lived a lie every day of my life. That wasn't fair to the three of us really.

Funny as it was, Jenny and Ron hit it off and in all honesty I gave them my blessing, why should they be miserable just because I condemned my own life to misery? I was happy for them and when Jenny fell pregnant with twins six months after they started dating Ron couldn't of been more happier so I filed for a divorce and Ron signed it immediately. The divorce was very amicable.

_1 year after the divorce._

I came home from work after having a particularly hard day, I was now a trainer and I had twelve new students under me. I found a decorative envelope floating near my front door, I reached for it and turned it over in my hand and was shocked to see it was a wedding invitation. I was cordially invited to the wedding of Ginerva Weasley and Harry James Potter in four weeks time. Even though I knew it was coming it still pained me beyond belief bringing back a flood of memories.

I then got angry...I had no right to cry or feel sorry for myself, I did this, I made my own fate and I had to live it. I summoned my owl and told her I had two envelopes to deliver. I immediately sent the RSVP back saying I had to decline due to work commitments and then sent another to a travel agent and booked a trip to Greece for the time of their wedding.

_(Present day) _

Unfortunately Greece was going to have to wait, work was becoming hectic as a particularly nasty virus went through the hospital staff and we were all doing double shifts. Jenny was still off on maternity leave and my department was crazy. After working 4 days straight doing 18 hour shifts a day, I dragged myself home and collapsed on the lounge.

The next thing I knew I was being woken by a loud insistent pounding on my front door. I staggered to my feet trying to get my bearings as the exhaustion in my body was still evident. I blinked a few times while rubbing my eyes and made it to the door, if that damn knocking would just stop...

I reefed it open and stood in complete shock. At first I thought I must have been dreaming as there was no way the person I was looking at could have been standing there.

He stood tall and stiff, a sign he was really annoyed, I still knew him so well.

"Harry... what are you doing here?" He pushed past me and then slammed my door shut. He leant into my face and then used his finger to press into my chest quite firmly.

"You have some questions to answer Hermione and I'm not leaving till I get them!" I stepped back at the intensity and fury of his voice.

He walked over to the lounge room and picked up my throw blanket I had been using on minutes before and he threw it onto another chair. He sat down on the edge of the lounge showing no comfort or ease. He was tense and his left leg was bouncing.

"Umm do you want something to drink?" I asked feebly.

Harry looked at me with nothing short of a death glare and I couldn't hold his intense look. I looked down at my hands realising I was again holding the pendant which hung around my neck and I quickly let go hoping my slip up wouldn't give away my secret. The silence seemed to drag on and I was becoming more nervous as time passed, I decided to push the issue.

"Ok Harry what brings you here at this late hour, aren't you getting married tomorrow?" Harry looked at me and then when I thought he wasn't going to say anything he started.

"I have a problem..."

"Ok what is it?" I asked actually not really wanting an answer.

"uhhh, what is it you ask... that is so rich coming from you." again Harry fell into an uncomfortable silence which was creating a dreaded feel in the room. I stood up and walked to the kitchen making two cups of coffee and returning with a few biscuits and placed them in front of Harry. I took mine and sat down as far away as possible from him and then waited.

"Six months ago I started working at Hogwarts as the Defence against the Dark Arts Professor and as a job requirement, we are required to run scans on ourself..." Harry looked at me waiting for my reaction but I just nodded telling him to continue.

"... yeah the scans are protocol and do you by any chance know what the scans check Hermione?" I shook my head not making eye contact.

"It checks to see if I have had any polyjuice potion, that was clear, it also checks to see if I am using any spells to enhance my students or myself... that was clear too but the last one wasn't clear Hermione, the last one checks to see if we have had any memory modifications. Can you tell me why I would have had memory modifications Hermione?" His voice showed the anger that his face was displaying. I decided to play dumb, he still had no idea it was me.

"No I have no idea Harry but considering the atrocities you saw through the war its not completely wrong." Harry nodded but to me it looked like he expected me to say that. I took hold of the vial around my neck one more time thanking Merlin I had disguised it as a pendant.

"Yeah, you would think so hey but you see for years I keep having this reoccurring dream and you are in it, I keep trying to get to you but you are always slipping out of my reach. I started looking into it more and more and imagine how surprised I was when the substitute Healer at Hogwarts found I have gaps in my memory. Big gaps Hermione."

Oh Merlin my world was unravelling and I couldn't stop it.

"What did you do?" I started to cry as all my sins were confronting me at once.

"Harry I'm so sorry." he stood up and knelt in front of me grabbing my shoulders roughly and shaking me as he emphasised his request.

"Tell me what you did? All of it Hermione tell me every detail!" I nodded still crying and tried to compose myself.

"Tell me what you know Harry?" Harry sat back on the floor still in front of me and ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"Hermione it feels like I am missing a huge gap in my life, I remember the war and details but Ron mentioned something a few months ago about when he left us on the search and I couldn't remember that happening at all. I looked at him like he had two heads and even Ginny knew about it. As they told me about the events, as much as they could, it was like a movie where I was the main character but I had no idea of what was happening..." I sat in silence wondering how on earth to tell him.

"... it wasn't the first time either, the time when Ginny and I broke up and I told her I was in love with you and then for some reason I went back to her with no recollection of what happened. At first she didn't care she was just happy I was home."

"Every time we had a fight and I told her I was leaving she would throw your name in and I couldn't understand why which of course would cause even more problems."

"I started to realise that every time I had a missing memory, YOUR name came up Hermione, can you tell me why that is so?"

I felt sick to my stomach and I decided it was finally time to let all of this pain go. I reached up to my necklace and undid the pendant. As I did it morphed back into the small thin glass vial which held his memories, the glass vial that hung around my neck weighing me down for the last four years.

I handed it to him and in between sobs I mumbled sorry.

Harry didn't say anything, he looked completely confused. Maybe he just didn't expect me to hand it over so easily, maybe he hoped I knew nothing. In all honesty this secret that I had carried for so long has destroyed my life and possibly even destroyed Harry's too.

Harry took the vial in his hands and turned it over a few times. He looked at me and questioned why it was blue.

"Its blue because I completely extracted the memories from your mind, you can use your wand to re-enter them, you don't need a pensieve to view the memories and considering they are yours, well you can put them back where they belong." I cried some more while I watched Harry open the vial and then extract the memories one by one and then tap his skull. The memories slid back into place one by one each one drawing a realisation on Harry's face more stronger than the one before.

When he finished the fury was evident on his face.

I tried to apologise over and over again but I knew it was to no avail.

Harry screamed at me and for the life of me I couldn't hear him or remember what he said because the things I was saying to myself, my self hate, completely and absolutely consumed me. The one thing that stuck with me was his departing words,

"You killed me Hermione!"

It took ages to get back to some kind of normal but the weight that was off my shoulders was so apparent. I had to know it was the right thing to do even though it raised more questions, questions that will never be answered. Harry married Ginny the following day as planned but according to the Daily Prophet they divorced a year later, Ginny saying there was irreconcilable differences. She was happy though as she got a nice huge payout from being the 'Chosen One's' wife and then later Ginny married Neville Longbottom. Last I heard she had a few kids and was happily married.

I resigned myself to the fact that I will be alone forever and my stupid mistake cost me my best friend and the love of my life. I had a few friends at work and Jenny worked hard to bring me back into their lives. I still kept in contact with Ron and Jenny and was even a Godmother to their last baby, a little boy named Marcus.

Harry was at the Christening but he completely ignored me and in all honesty I deserved it so I didn't push it. I hung around with Jenny's brother, Luke so I didn't look like a complete loser and when Harry made his apologies and left I felt a sense of relief.

I was turning 30 this year and decided I might make a move to a new country, I still hadn't been to Greece so maybe that would be the first stop. Considering magical folk lived well into their hundreds, I realised I had enough moping, it was time to move on.

I organised my transfer to the Greek equivalent of St Mungo's and they were happy to have me. I had bought a little unit in Voula right on the water. It was a beautiful, peaceful place and I was looking forward to it. I had one last look around my flat and was pleased that a young family were moving in, ready to make some happy memories. Merlin knew this poor little flat needed some happy memories. I shrunk my boxes down and waited the hour till my portkey would activate. I heard a knock on the door and walked over thinking it may have been Jenny coming to say bye again. I opened the door with a smile that slid off as quick as it was placed there,

"Harry!"


	5. Chapter 5

Hermione's Mistake Chapter 5

_Final instalment _

_Sirius_

Chapter 5

I couldn't believe he was standing at my door, I had no idea of what to say or do and I felt like a right idiot when he had to ask to come in. I nodded still unable to formulate a sentence. Harry walked in and looked around my bare flat.

"Going somewhere Hermione?" My name sounded foreign coming from his mouth. I again nodded.

"Looks like it's permanent?" I did a half nod and turned around to close the door as he walked in through the small flat.

"What is it that you wanted?" Harry looked at me intently for a minute and then answered.

"Answers Hermione!" For some reason something snapped inside of me.

"Answers, ANSWERS, are you kidding me, you have all the answers Harry and I have nothing. So don't just stand there demanding even more out of me." I finished in a huff and sat down on the stool in the kitchen.

"Why did you do it?" I was completely dumbstruck by this question. It was one I hadn't even allowed myself to think about let alone one I had an answer for. I dropped my head and answered honestly, "I don't know Harry."

After a few minutes of silence, I stood up and walked over to the small kitchen window that overlooked the park across the road. I saw children playing on the swings with their parents and I felt that loss yet again.

"I honestly felt like it was the right thing to do Harry, I never meant to hurt you, actually it was quite the opposite." I said knowing he could hear me as he sat on the other stool behind me.

"What do you mean the opposite?" His voice held no malice just a questioning that was burning inside of him. I found a bravery I never knew I had.

Turning to him I folded my arms over my chest and made eye contact.

"Harry I was a means to an end, you needed me in that way during the war and I complied as I had my own needs which you filled." I felt a little blush tinge my cheeks.

"When we came back everything changed, you had Ginny and I had... well I was with Ron. That was something you couldn't deal with Harry..."

"The night I came back here?" I nodded and continued.

"Harry we had sex that night, desperate, unadulterated sex. At first I hoped it was because you needed me so badly but I realised when you were sleeping and you called Ginny's name and then said you had to forget... I realised that I had to let you go even if you didn't know it and believe me it was the hardest thing I ever had to do." Harry said nothing, he just sat and listened. The silence stretched on for a while.

"I really have nothing more to add except I'm sorry, really sorry Harry and I've accepted the fact that I will never be a part of your life, you've made that painfully clear over the years but I am leaving shortly and I am starting again. I suggest you try and do the same." Harry fidgeted with his fingers but he remained quiet.

"What you did Hermione was completely unfair and you had no right..."

"No right yeah Harry I had no right," I repeated while nodding my head and I continued to look back outside towards the park.

Harry stood up and walked over to me, not close enough to be intimate but close enough to get his point across.

"You stole my memories Hermione, you took away my choice, you took away everything. Living with this has been unbearable..." I reacted quickly and Harry recoiled as I put my wand to his temple again threatening him.

"UNBEARABLE! Can I make this easier for you oh chosen one, saviour of the wizarding world. Is this too much for the precious Harry Potter to deal with?" Harry stepped back shocked but I kept my wand trained on him. He could've easily disarmed me but he didn't, he just continued to move back away from me.

"Poor Lil' Harry had to deal with all his memories for a year and he can't handle it. Well what about ME?" I yelled at him.

"What about me Harry? I may have taken your memories, I may have taken your choice but nobody did that for me. I had to live with the memories of your touch, your body against mine and the feelings that coursed inside me every damn day. I couldn't even stay married to Ron because every time he touched me it was your face I saw, your hands I imagined holding me. I even deceived him into thinking I couldn't have children and after a while it became harder and harder for him to live up to my memories of you- of course unbeknownst to him, so I divorced him." Harry stared at me with wide eyes trying to take everything in I said.

"I didn't realise..."

"NO you didn't realise did you Harry, actually you just didn't think. I watched you with the perfect Ginny Weasley and longed for your touch while she got you. Don't you dare stand there and tell me how unbearable it was for you Harry because for me, living every day of my pathetic life was intolerable. So forgive me if I don't have any sympathy to offer you."

I finished and my breathing was hard and ragged and my heart was threatening to beat out of my chest.

I slowly lowered my wand a little embarrassed that I was being so forceful but Harry made no comment or judgement. Both of us turned as the portkey started to shake signalling it's activation and I watched as each of my boxes slipped into its vortex. I straightened my shirt, holstered my wand and walked over to the book and stopped just before I laid my hand on it. I turned to Harry and held my head high, "Goodbye Harry Potter."

Harry lurched forward and grabbed my hand before it took me, he spun me around and held my shoulders.

"Is there nothing left in your heart Hermione?" I looked at him and saw desperation and need in his eyes but I had made my decision and it was time to move on.

"No Harry, there's nothing left." I looked away from him and hoped he would let it go.

Harry mumbled "I don't believe you," he turned me around and then crashed his lips to mine. I tried not to respond but his tongue insisted. When he pulled back I was flushed and breathing heavily.

"If you can tell me that meant nothing to you, I'll let you go Hermione but if not, well we have a life to start living?"

I looked at him and as much as I had thought about this exact predicament many, many times in the past, all my well laid plans now meant nothing. Everything I wanted to say, the giant leap into his arms, the sun shining in with flowers and butterflies all seemed ridiculous now. Was he even the same man I fell in love with? Was it all just physical? Was any of it emotional?

I don't know... but one thing I did know was that I HAD changed, I WAS different and in all honesty I don't think this Hermione Granger-Weasley was anything like the one that started fighting in that war all those years ago.

"Good bye Harry and good luck with your life!" I waited and when he finally nodded, I turned and grabbed hold of the book and watched Harry's face as I was ripped through space to land in my new little unit in Voula. Only then could I allow myself some self pity and I let the tears flow.

_(3months later)_

Ridiculous as it may sound, I was even worse than before. Maybe it was because this time I walked away and I knew it was a mistake or maybe it was because I knew he had all the knowledge this time and he still came to me. His kiss was starting to fade in my mind even as much as I tried with all my might to hold onto it, it was disappearing.

I went to work and came back home, I went to work and came back home- my life was as monotonous as it sounds. It wasn't fair, I wasn't being fair... I came here to start living and I hadn't done that at all. I came back home and walked into my little flat, I must admit I loved it. The beach was literally at my door. I would grab some dinner and walk over and sit down to watch the sunset every night. Each night the view was different and with each sunset a little bit more of my memory of Harry faded and... I struggled to keep those memories alive in my heart.

It was a beautiful day, the birds were singing and flowers were blooming. It felt lighter for some reason. At work my day moved along nicely and when I came home I changed into some comfortable clothes. I crossed the road with my drink after quickly eating some left overs. I sat down on the stony beach and rested my elbows on my knees letting the wind blow through my hair. I smiled enjoying the sunset and waited for the beautiful pinks, oranges and purples to contrast with the rich blue Voula Beach water in the Saronic Gulf.

I was day-dreaming out to the ocean watching all the beautiful ships and yachts in the harbour all set against the stunning back drop when someone sat down next to me. I knew it was him, how could I not know it was him because finally my heart started beating again. He came back to me twice now. You know I may have done some stupid things in the past but repeating the biggest mistake of my life was definitely not going to be one of them.

"Hi Hermione."

"Hi Harry."


End file.
